Speeding Ticket

Ok, this is my first post with very raw emotions. I got a speeding ticket, my first ticket ever. The crazy thing is that I didn't even know I was being pulled over. I was in a park trying to get to my softball game. I got a little lost in the park and therefore was going to be late for my game. I finally found my way, and when I did, I sped up so I would be able to make the game. I parked my car and then got out of the car. Next thing I knew, there was a police officer asking me why I was driving so fast. It took me completely off guard. I was fine through the game. I was fine through dinner afterwards. Then all of a sudden it hit me. Like a ton of bricks.

How could the police give me a ticket for speeding and not even give the rapist a warning for doing the horrific things he did to me? I mean, they should have at least put him on the sex offenders list. I can't stop crying. I keep thinking of the police dective's face when I think about getting that ticeket. I get flashes of the rapist's face. He got away with it! How could I not get off for going too fast in the park, and HE was able to walk free and clear after he RAPED me???

I'm really not upset about the ticket, obviously. People get tickets all the time. But this was my first ticket ever. I've been driving for 13 years and it was the first time I was even pulled over. I am upset with the police. They have no problem punishing people for their first offence when it is something simple like driving too fast, but when it is something like rape, they let the guy off free. They just assume you made up the whole story. I wonder how that police officer would feel if I told the judge that he made up the whole thing. That I was really going very slowly. His wife will leave him if he doesn't make more money, so he made the whole story up. I wish that would work. If I knew it would, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But clearly that is not how life works. I have learned the hard way that life is not fair at all.

I cannot reiterate enough, please, please, please, ALWAYS believe a woman when she tells you she was raped. It has been 5 years since my rape and I still have episodes like this from time to time. Everyone thinks I'm so strong. I'm only "strong" because I have to be. I have to keep living my life. I can't let this rapist take anything else from me. But from time to time I do have these moments still. And it sucks! But tomorrow is a new day and I will be fine. I am a survivor.

(I definitely feel better having written all that down. I should be able to sleep well now - I hope!)

Party Time!

Hello Everyone!

I took the day off today to prepare for the party. Matt* bit off a bit more than he could chew with the home repairs, so hopefully this place won't be a total disaster for the Take Back the Summer Party tomorrow! For the record, he and Rick (Matt's dad) have made the place look amazing so far! I just hope it will be complete by party time! I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still here and that I have just been busy with party preparations. I will post some pictures soon!

*For those of you who don't know me, I will be blogging about Matt soon!