Memphis

We are in Memphis right now. You may be wondering what this has to do with the rape. Well, going along with yesterday’s post, it has to do with my rape anniversary. I was trying to find something to do for me on that first anniversary. One of the other things I felt like I lost was my drive to exercise, especially run. I used to run all the time before the rape and I even completed a marathon a couple years before. So when the anniversary was approaching, I decided to look for a run. I knew a marathon or even a half marathon was a bit out of my range since I had let myself get so out of shape and I only had a few weeks to train. So I started looking for a 5K in my area. I did a few internet searches and came across a site for the Memphis Sexual Assault Resource Center (Memphis is only a 4 hour drive from me). They just happened to be hosting a “Take Back the Night” 5K the week before my anniversary! I was so excited and I decided that I was going to participate.

I also wanted to do something for the Women’s Resource Center. I could go on and on about how wonderful they were to me during my first 2 years after the rape, but I will save that for another post. Anyway though, they were so great to me that I decided to do the run as a fundraiser for them. So I sent out a note to ALL of my friends, family, friends of the family, etc. letting them know what happened to me a year ago and what a wonderful organization the Women’s Resource Center is and I asked them for donations.

I was extremely nervous to send out that letter. After what happened to me with the police detective, I was afraid that people wouldn’t believe me. I was afraid that I would lose more friends. I almost didn’t send it out because of this. Then I decided that if the Women’s Resource Center even gets a small amount of money, it would be worth it. So I reluctantly dropped the letters off in the mailbox and went home.

A couple days later, the donations started pouring in. With the donations were words of encouragement and support. I couldn’t have asked for a better boost on my one year anniversary. A time when I thought I’d be all depressed, I had never felt more loved. And to top it off, I was able to raise over $3000 for the Women’s Resource Center. Having so many people rally around me like that was extremely therapeutic and it helped me heal more from the emotional wounds.

Although I never ask my friends and family for money anymore, I do continue to do the Take Back the Night run every year. Many of my friends know I am going down there and will send a donation along with me anyway. I’m sad that this year they are not having the run anymore. Since we already reserved our rooms, we decided to go anyway. We went to the Red Birds game last night and we plan to attend some museums and hang out on Beale Street today. Not exactly what we had planned, but it should still be fun. I plan to send any donations I receive into the Women’s Resource Center and just enjoy myself in Memphis. I need to start a new tradition next year. I’m glad I have a whole year to figure that out, because I have no ideas now. Any suggestions are welcome!

Blog Title Significance

Wow, it’s been an awfully long time since I’ve written on here. To be perfectly honest, it’s that time of year. That time when the weather starts changing into Spring. I can smell the air, hear the birds chirping . . . and see all the sites I saw when I was driving home to my parents house the day I was raped. Sounds that are glorious to most, but it gets to me every year. Each year the pain is less, but it still gets to me. I couldn’t bear to write about it this time of year. So that’s why I had the hiatus. Anyway, in an effort to get back into writing on here without getting too upset, I thought I’d take a little break from the rape story and explain the title of this blog.

A couple months before the first anniversary of my rape, I spoke to my counselor, Cynthia, about what I should do on that date. I didn’t want to be sitting around and moping about all the things I lost that day. So Cynthia and I started talking about all the things I lost. I lost more than I could list in this post, so I won’t go into everything, but at that particular visit with Cynthia, these are the things I brought up:

• I lost a group of people that I thought were friends
• I lost the ability to give blood for an entire year (I love giving of myself for others)
• As a result of depression and being stuck in a traumatized state I felt like I lost out on my favorite season, summer.

We discussed these losses. I realized that I had met and become very close friends with a wonderful new group of people who lived near me. I also still had all my college friends and some from even earlier in my life that, although they may not live in the same city as me, I still feel very close to them and I know I am so lucky to have them in my life. After reflecting upon this, I realized that the rape did not make me lose friends as much as it helped me to make even better friends and also appreciate the ones I already had.

So then we discussed the blood giving. This may seem like a strange one since I really don’t LIKE getting stuck by needles. However, there is something so powerful in the fact that all I have to do is sit there for a couple of minutes with a needle in my arm and I can save people’s lives! That alone makes the needle stick worth it for me. The fact that I was unable to give blood as a pure result of the fact that I was raped was extremely discouraging. Every blood drive I came across was just another reminder that I had been raped. There is nothing anyone can do to give me back that year that I was unable to donate, but the lovely thing about giving blood is that you can do it every eight weeks. So I scheduled an appointment for a couple days after the year anniversary to give blood. Just making the appointment empowered me and helped me to not feel so much like a victim.

So as we reflected upon the list, the only thing that I still hadn’t taken back was the summer. I can tell you, based on how I feel right now and based on how I have felt this time of year every year since it has happened, it would be VERY easy for me to slip back into that depression and miss the summer every year. I just lost so much of myself that day, and to be quite honest, I really miss who I used to be. It would be so easy to mourn that loss all summer long. But I decided not to let the rapist have that kind of control over me. He already raped me once, and I was not about to let him ruin every summer from here on out.

So I planned a party. I call the party my “Take Back the Summer Party.” Here is what this year’s invitation reads:

Most of you probably know by now that the first weekend of May marks the anniversary of the day I was raped. This marks my fifth year of survival. For those of you who don’t know, “Take Back the Summer” is my own take on the famous “Take Back the Night” rally. Take back the night started back in 1976 to protest the violence that women experienced while walking in public at night. “Take Back the Summer” is my own personal version of this. After my rape I spent my summer in a state of sadness and depression because of all the things I lost as a result of the rape. Because of this, I felt like I missed out on my favorite season, Summer. My “Take Back the Summer” parties symbolize me taking back everything that the rapist took from me. But this party is not just for me. It is also a thank you to all my wonderful friends and family for standing by my side through all of this. I wouldn’t be where I am without each and every one of you. Please join me for a celebration of life, survival and wonderful friends and family.

The first year was very small with just a few close friends and my immediate family and now the guest list has expanded immensely. I even encourage people to bring anyone else they think may want to celebrate with us. I cannot even tell you how empowering it was to have everyone there supporting me. I plan to keep this party going indefinitely. It will be May 9th this year and I am looking forward to it rather than dreading the date. Mission accomplished!