This has been a little harder to write about than I thought it would. I took a little break from it, but I think I’m finally ready to start back up. Forgive my horrible writing style. For now, it’s taking everything in me to just get the words down, but it’s very important to me to get my story out.
My mom, dad and I arrived at the ER and they checked me into a room. They asked me if I would like someone from the Sexual Assault Resource Team (SART) to come and speak with me. They also asked if I would like to report the rape. I said yes to both. The woman from SART was wonderful! I cannot thank her enough for being there with me! However, the detective they sent to question me about the rape could not have been further from wonderful.
He started by asking me what happened. I told him with a lot of hesitation (remember that this guy was my friend before. I was nervous to report it because I didn’t want to lose my friends). Instead of realizing that this was an extremely traumatic experience for me, this detective decided that the rape was my fault.
He came up with an explanation for everything when I was trying to tell him that I was violated. He told me I was wearing some awfully tight clothes and that because they were so tight and because I was drinking that I was asking for it. When I told him that I was a virgin he scoffed at me and said, “Hmmf, a 23 year old virgin! Who’s still a virgin at 23? You clearly wanted to lose your virginity and then regretted it so you told your parents you were raped.” He told me I need to drink less and be more careful about the signals that I send to men. I was asking for it.
Thank God for the woman from SART. I was trembling after my conversation with the detective. I started to believe that it was my fault. She reassured me that it was not and gave me the phone number for a counseling center in my area.
So not only was I victimized by the rape, but I was re-victimized by the detective.
PLEASE! Always believe a woman when she says she was raped! She is going through something extremely traumatic as it is and it will only make it worse to not believe her. Most women who actually go through a sexual assault do not even report it. So PLEASE always believe a woman is she comes forward to you about it.
I could never even convey to you the damage that detective did to me. It took years of counseling to get me better. More on that at a later time!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
My Parents
I know I said I’d write about the ER today, but I feel like I need to put in a post about my wonderful parents first. I promise to write about the ER tomorrow.
I was living with my mom and dad at the time the rape happened. I had left the house that day telling my mom that I was going out to lunch with a friend and then I was going shopping. I told her I planned to be home in time for dinner.
Well, dinner time came along and I of course wasn’t there. So my mom called me. I happened to be in and out of consciousness at the time. She called again. Still, unbeknownst to her, I was in and out of consciousness. So she called again and again. I was completely unaware at the time that she was calling me.
As soon as I drove off from Mike’s apartment, I looked at my phone and realized that I had missed several calls all from my parents. I listened to my voicemails. The first one was my mom sweetly saying, “Caitlin, it’s mom. Just wondering where you are. Thought you’d be home by now.” The next message was my mom again, getting a little angry, but still fairly calm, “Caitlin, it’s mom. Where ARE you? This is not like you to just not call us. Call me back.” The next message was one of desperation. “CAITLIN, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! YOUR FATHER AND I ARE WORRIED SICK.” I never thought I’d be so happy to have my mom yell at me. It just felt so good that she loved me enough to know there was something wrong.
When I got home my parents yelled at me again asking why I didn’t call. Now something you have to realize, I was 23. They really didn’t expect me to actually be home for dinner, but if I was not going to show up for dinner I was to call them just so they didn’t worry about me. At the moment they started yelling and asking where I was I couldn’t even talk. I felt so overwhelmingly loved by them and I was still in so much shock as to what happened that all I could do was cry. Of course this upset my parents even more. Finally I caught my breath and told them that the guy I was with took advantage of me.
I will never in my life forget my dad’s face after I said that. It was a mixture of shock, sadness and rage all in one. The next question was, “Did he rape you.” I was so confused and I was crying and I wasn’t sure. My mom took my phone from me, called Mike and left him a voicemail saying that we are going to the ER and that he WILL be reported. I told my mom that I didn’t want to go to the ER. She told me we had to. I asked if I could at least take a shower and remove my blood covered pants. The answer again was no. We all got in the car and headed to the ER.
I was living with my mom and dad at the time the rape happened. I had left the house that day telling my mom that I was going out to lunch with a friend and then I was going shopping. I told her I planned to be home in time for dinner.
Well, dinner time came along and I of course wasn’t there. So my mom called me. I happened to be in and out of consciousness at the time. She called again. Still, unbeknownst to her, I was in and out of consciousness. So she called again and again. I was completely unaware at the time that she was calling me.
As soon as I drove off from Mike’s apartment, I looked at my phone and realized that I had missed several calls all from my parents. I listened to my voicemails. The first one was my mom sweetly saying, “Caitlin, it’s mom. Just wondering where you are. Thought you’d be home by now.” The next message was my mom again, getting a little angry, but still fairly calm, “Caitlin, it’s mom. Where ARE you? This is not like you to just not call us. Call me back.” The next message was one of desperation. “CAITLIN, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! YOUR FATHER AND I ARE WORRIED SICK.” I never thought I’d be so happy to have my mom yell at me. It just felt so good that she loved me enough to know there was something wrong.
When I got home my parents yelled at me again asking why I didn’t call. Now something you have to realize, I was 23. They really didn’t expect me to actually be home for dinner, but if I was not going to show up for dinner I was to call them just so they didn’t worry about me. At the moment they started yelling and asking where I was I couldn’t even talk. I felt so overwhelmingly loved by them and I was still in so much shock as to what happened that all I could do was cry. Of course this upset my parents even more. Finally I caught my breath and told them that the guy I was with took advantage of me.
I will never in my life forget my dad’s face after I said that. It was a mixture of shock, sadness and rage all in one. The next question was, “Did he rape you.” I was so confused and I was crying and I wasn’t sure. My mom took my phone from me, called Mike and left him a voicemail saying that we are going to the ER and that he WILL be reported. I told my mom that I didn’t want to go to the ER. She told me we had to. I asked if I could at least take a shower and remove my blood covered pants. The answer again was no. We all got in the car and headed to the ER.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
My Story - The Rape
My story begins in March of 2004. I was a recent college graduate and I had just started my first post college job. At the time, I was having a bit of a difficult time meeting new friends. I had just moved to a new city away from all my college buddies and was very lonely. Then finally around this time I met a girl at work who was my same age. I had been praying for something like this to happen and I was thrilled! This girl, Veronica*, introduced me to all her friends and I began doing things with them. I finally had people to hang out with and suddenly I didn’t feel so lonely. Most of these people worked at the same place as me, and we ate lunch together every Friday. It was wonderful!
Weeks later, on May 2, 2004, something came up at work and I had to work on a Sunday. Because of my job title at the time, the company I worked for could not legally have me work overtime. Since they needed me in there on that Sunday, they decided to give me the day off on Friday May 7 to make up for it. On Thursday the 6th, I was hanging out with Veronica and the rest of the group. I was really excited because I was off the next day and I was definitely bragging to everyone that night since they all had to go to work the next day. Then Mike, one of the guys that did not work with us, asked me to meet him at his workplace for lunch since he’s always left out of our Friday lunches. I thought that sounded like fun, so I planned to call him the next day to get directions to his office.
The next day, I called Mike. Oddly he sounded like he had just woken up. As it turns out, he did. It ended up being the first absolutely beautiful day of the year and he decided to just take the day off instead of going into work. We decided to still go out to lunch, so I met him at his apartment and we went out from there. We had a very nice lunch and shared some wine. He asked me about wine and discovered that I really like it and that it was a topic of interest for me.
When lunch was over, he asked me to stop in his house for one more glass of wine. He said he had just gotten this bottle and wanted to know if it was any good. I figured that one more glass of wine wouldn’t hurt so I joined him in his apartment. He had me sit on the couch in the living room and he went into the kitchen by himself, opened the wine and poured us each a glass.
The next thing I knew, I started feeling very dizzy. I had never felt this way after only two glasses of wine so it was very strange to me. Mike sat next to me and started kissing my face. I asked him to stop and told him I wasn’t feeling well. He helped me into his room so I could lay down. Or so I thought. He actually led me into his room to rape me.
I don’t really remember much of anything that happened after that. I blacked out and then regained consciousness several times. I do remember not wanting to be there, but I felt so heavy and I couldn’t seem to fight back. I felt him slip my pants off and I just lay there unable to move. I know I cried a lot and really wanted it to stop but I felt helpless.
The next thing I remember is waking up in his bed. He was not there anymore. The sun was just starting to set outside the window. I felt dizzy, tired and sore. Just then I heard the front door open. In walked Mike and upon seeing me laying in his bed, he said, “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you are still here! I got hard just looking at you!” Then he proceeded to get on top of me, hold me down and rape me again. Another blackout came and the next thing I remember is waking up again alone in his bed.
I finally was feeling a bit better and I stood up, pulled up my pants and got myself a glass of water. I was so scared that Mike might find me. All I wanted to do was get out of there. I found him passed out on the couch. I went to the bathroom to find myself bleeding profusely. I cleaned myself up as much as possible, left the house and sped off as quickly as I could.
The rape was an absolutely horrible experience for me. One that I will never forget as long as live no matter how much I try. But as horrible as it was that day, the horror continued with my trip to the ER. I will write tomorrow about my ER visit.
*Names of people involved in the rape story have been changed.
Weeks later, on May 2, 2004, something came up at work and I had to work on a Sunday. Because of my job title at the time, the company I worked for could not legally have me work overtime. Since they needed me in there on that Sunday, they decided to give me the day off on Friday May 7 to make up for it. On Thursday the 6th, I was hanging out with Veronica and the rest of the group. I was really excited because I was off the next day and I was definitely bragging to everyone that night since they all had to go to work the next day. Then Mike, one of the guys that did not work with us, asked me to meet him at his workplace for lunch since he’s always left out of our Friday lunches. I thought that sounded like fun, so I planned to call him the next day to get directions to his office.
The next day, I called Mike. Oddly he sounded like he had just woken up. As it turns out, he did. It ended up being the first absolutely beautiful day of the year and he decided to just take the day off instead of going into work. We decided to still go out to lunch, so I met him at his apartment and we went out from there. We had a very nice lunch and shared some wine. He asked me about wine and discovered that I really like it and that it was a topic of interest for me.
When lunch was over, he asked me to stop in his house for one more glass of wine. He said he had just gotten this bottle and wanted to know if it was any good. I figured that one more glass of wine wouldn’t hurt so I joined him in his apartment. He had me sit on the couch in the living room and he went into the kitchen by himself, opened the wine and poured us each a glass.
The next thing I knew, I started feeling very dizzy. I had never felt this way after only two glasses of wine so it was very strange to me. Mike sat next to me and started kissing my face. I asked him to stop and told him I wasn’t feeling well. He helped me into his room so I could lay down. Or so I thought. He actually led me into his room to rape me.
I don’t really remember much of anything that happened after that. I blacked out and then regained consciousness several times. I do remember not wanting to be there, but I felt so heavy and I couldn’t seem to fight back. I felt him slip my pants off and I just lay there unable to move. I know I cried a lot and really wanted it to stop but I felt helpless.
The next thing I remember is waking up in his bed. He was not there anymore. The sun was just starting to set outside the window. I felt dizzy, tired and sore. Just then I heard the front door open. In walked Mike and upon seeing me laying in his bed, he said, “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you are still here! I got hard just looking at you!” Then he proceeded to get on top of me, hold me down and rape me again. Another blackout came and the next thing I remember is waking up again alone in his bed.
I finally was feeling a bit better and I stood up, pulled up my pants and got myself a glass of water. I was so scared that Mike might find me. All I wanted to do was get out of there. I found him passed out on the couch. I went to the bathroom to find myself bleeding profusely. I cleaned myself up as much as possible, left the house and sped off as quickly as I could.
The rape was an absolutely horrible experience for me. One that I will never forget as long as live no matter how much I try. But as horrible as it was that day, the horror continued with my trip to the ER. I will write tomorrow about my ER visit.
*Names of people involved in the rape story have been changed.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Why Now?
It has been nearly 5 years since I was raped, so many may ask, "Why start a blog now?" It seems that most people blog to sort out their feelings about a difficult time. The truth is, I have definitely moved on in my life. Although this is something that will haunt me forever, it rarely affects my day to day life anymore. So again with the question, why start this now? I have two reasons why I would like to write this.
The first reason is because I want to help others who are going through a similar situation. I am by no means a therapist, however just by telling my story, it lets others know that they are not alone in this situation. I went through it and I survived. It takes a lot of work, but if you put it in, you will heal. Also, I plan to link to as many resources as I can so that other victims can find the help that they need.
The other reason I am writing this is to help dispell the myths about rape. There are still many people out there that think it is the woman's fault for getting raped. As I reveal my story, you will find how much damage these myths caused me. People rarely talk about rape because they think it is about sex and that it is personal. Rape is no different from any other crime. It is NOT about sex but about power and control. It needs to be discussed more so that people can learn the truth.
It is my hope that my story will touch at least one life. Whether it helps someone to heal from a similar situation or it helps to empower a woman, I know that it was all worth it in the end.
The first reason is because I want to help others who are going through a similar situation. I am by no means a therapist, however just by telling my story, it lets others know that they are not alone in this situation. I went through it and I survived. It takes a lot of work, but if you put it in, you will heal. Also, I plan to link to as many resources as I can so that other victims can find the help that they need.
The other reason I am writing this is to help dispell the myths about rape. There are still many people out there that think it is the woman's fault for getting raped. As I reveal my story, you will find how much damage these myths caused me. People rarely talk about rape because they think it is about sex and that it is personal. Rape is no different from any other crime. It is NOT about sex but about power and control. It needs to be discussed more so that people can learn the truth.
It is my hope that my story will touch at least one life. Whether it helps someone to heal from a similar situation or it helps to empower a woman, I know that it was all worth it in the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
